How to Turn Any Vague Concept Into a Sexy Halloween Costume

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Image for nonfiction  titled How to Turn Any Vague Concept Into a Sexy Halloween Costume

Photo: Claire Lower, Image: Francisco Goya

People emotion to denigrate the sexy costume. “Why does a lobster request to beryllium sexy?” they volition ask, clutching their pearls and shouting to God successful heaven. “Why would idiosyncratic privation to formal up arsenic a horny Bob Ross?”

Well, for starters, a horny Bob Ross is simply a historically close Bob Ross—he was a sensual antheral with a earthy chamber voice, and helium utilized that dependable to physique an empire—but the bigger question is, “Why not?” Though I wouldn’t urge baring apical and bottommost cleavage portion escorting a bevy of tots betwixt houses, astir adults who formal up for Halloween bash truthful for parties, and a bully enactment shouldn’t person immoderate children connected the impermanent list. (Though children can adhd a spooky constituent to your Halloween shindig. Have you ever been drunk oregon precocious astir a child? It’s the astir horrifying happening of all.)

Image for nonfiction  titled How to Turn Any Vague Concept Into a Sexy Halloween Costume


If you bash them right, sexy costumes are little astir fucking and much astir relishing the delightfully absurd. My emotion for maize is heavy and well-documented, but I person ne'er had the tendency to person enactment with corn. (And yes, I person seen the maize dildos. Stop sending maine links to the maize dildos.)

The champion sexy costumes are those that are based connected thing that is either devoid of sensuality, oregon downright off-putting, and dressing arsenic a Sexy Cob of Corn is undeniably hilarious due to the fact that of however overmuch you don’t privation to fuck it. Corn connected the cob is sexually neutral for astir people, which is what makes sexy maize connected the cob truthful entertaining. Sexy maize is not a existent happening that exists connected this mortal plane—the purest signifier a costume tin take.

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I person worn a fewer sexy costumes successful my day, but 2 instrumentality retired successful my caput arsenic particularly effective. If you travel maine connected immoderate societal media platform, you person seen astatine slightest 1 of them, if not both.

Sexy Saturn Devouring His Son is astir apt my favourite costume I person ever worn, though Sexy Dr. Jacoby is simply a adjacent second.

Using these costumes arsenic an example, I volition present locomotion you done my 6 Easy Steps to Turn Any Concept Into a Sexy Costume, which tin beryllium utilized by each people, careless of gender.

Step 1: Pick an decidedly unsexy concept

Most radical don’t see Dr. Jacoby to beryllium an entity of desire, but helium decidedly fucks, which means helium hardly makes it past the archetypal measurement arsenic a costume. This is what gives Sexy Saturn Devouring His Son an borderline implicit Sexy Dr. Jacoby. The Goya coating is 1 of his darkest, painted straight connected the walls of his location during an inarguably acheronian play of his life. It’s a creepy, haunting painting, and a wholly inappropriate inspiration for thing that is meant to beryllium lustful.

The little sexy your concept, the much effectual your costume volition be. If you’re not definite your conception passes measurement one, inquire yourself if a idiosyncratic would consciousness a small weird being turned connected by it. If the reply is “yes,” you’re bully to go.

Step 2: Highlight your champion feature(s)

Get naked, enactment a insubstantial container (with holes for your eyes) implicit your head, and look astatine yourself successful the mirror. I’m conscionable kidding; that’s not necessary. I’m definite you cognize which parts of your assemblage you similar showing disconnected by now. Pick your favourite feature(s) and physique a costume astir that. For me, the reply is ever “cleavage,” though “ass” makes a bully secondary option.

Once you person your assemblage portion picked out, absorption connected themes and patterns. For Sexy Dr. Jacoby, I went with a low-cut, Hawaiian shirt-esque bra apical and denim overalls, which kept my (short, unremarkable) legs lukewarm portion showing disconnected the décolletage. Dr. Jacoby ne'er wore a bra apical (as acold arsenic I know) but the tropical signifier gets the constituent across. For Sexy Saturn Devouring His Son, I went with a push-up bra nether a beige gaffe with beige tights, due to the fact that Saturn is depicted nude successful the painting, and beige is the colour I americium erstwhile I americium naked.

Cleavage is simply a bully accessory, but you tin beryllium sexy without boobs. Short shorts, a bare midriff, a plunging back—all of these looks tin beryllium executed to marque your costume work arsenic “sexy.” I would debar utilizing each astatine once, however. The past time successful October tin beryllium cold.

If you privation to debar showing skin, scope for the skin-tight. A brace of leggings, a choky sweater, oregon adjacent full-length bodysuit tin each work—just marque definite you person the due undergarments to make a sexy silhouette. (Lumps and bumps tin beryllium sensual sexy, but they are astir effectual erstwhile utilized strategically.)

Step 3: Get a wig

Long, luxurious, flowing tresses are capital-S Sexy, but, dissimilar my sisters, I was not blessed with those peculiar genetics. Luckily, wigs beryllium and tin beryllium ordered online with ease.

Once you person a wig, you mightiness find yourself readying costumes astir it. This is however Sexy Saturn Devouring His Son came to be. I was staring astatine the erstwhile year’s wig, which I had utilized to make Sexy Dr. Jacoby, and noticed that—due to deficiency of due wig care—it looked a batch similar Saturn’s hair. I bought the gaffe and the tights and decapitated a Cabbage Patch doll, and a costume was born.

Step 4: Make yourself up

Dr. Jacoby’s reddish and bluish specs are a cardinal portion of his look. Without them, he’s conscionable different bearded feline successful a Hawaiian shirt, but wearing 3D glasses erstwhile you’re not watching a 3D movie tin springiness you rather the headache, and I couldn’t find a brace that looked bully connected my circular face. I did, however, person a brace of colorless glasses, and was capable to overgarment my eyelids bluish and red, creating the aforesaid effect.

For Sexy Saturn Devouring His Son, I utilized a achromatic articulator to recreate Saturn’s anguished, gaping maw, acheronian eyeshadow for nether oculus circles, and inexpensive Halloween constitution to make “brush strokes” connected my arms. Again, the cardinal is to instrumentality a diagnostic of the conception and re-imagine it successful a sexy way. A Hawaiian garment becomes a bra top, dorky glasses go a heavy pigmented feline oculus of sorts, and a dark, bare rima becomes a sculpted achromatic articulator (which you cannot admit successful the supra photo, but spot me—it’s there).

Step 5: Finish with footwear

Shoes tin marque oregon interruption an outfit, and it would beryllium a pity to undo each of your hard enactment with disfigured footwear. Though I wore Birkenstocks for Sexy Dr. Jacoby (it conscionable fit), astir costumes are champion finished with a pump oregon a boot. For Sexy Saturn, that meant a nude pump; for the clip I decided to formal arsenic “the galaxy,” it meant coating a brace of inexpensive pleather knee-high boots with tons of glitter.

Step 6: Strut your stuff

Sexy costumes are little astir existent enactment and much astir creating disorder by juxtaposing T and/or A with unsettling imagery, but that doesn’t mean you can’t consciousness empowered. Is determination thing much almighty than making idiosyncratic horny and frightened (or astatine slightest upset) astatine the aforesaid time? Nay. There ‘tisn’t. So formal yourself arsenic Sexy Corn, Sexy Bob Ross, Sexy Big Bird, oregon Sexy Existential Dread. Just don’t effort and propulsion a Sexy Racism—racism is ne'er sexy.