The Out-of-Touch Adults’ Guide to Kid Culture: Did Ancient Rome Even Exist?

1 year ago 138

 Did Ancient Rome Even Exist?

Photo: klempa (Shutterstock)

With the vacation play successful afloat swing, the young radical are shifting to antithetic dimensions, denying the beingness of Ancient Rome, and learning much astir snowflakes than you’d adjacent deliberation was possible.

TikTok historiographer disputes beingness of the Roman Empire

I ne'er get bushed of the brainsick crap TikTok radical travel up with, similar this one: @momllennial_ thinks past Rome didn’t exist. Like, astatine all. According to her, ancient Rome is simply a “figment of the Spanish Inquisition’s imagination.” “It’s not real, dude,” she insists. “It’s breadstuff and circuses. It’s a circus, man.”

According to @momllennial, the Hadrian’s Wall in the UK is really a roadworthy built by Greek merchants, contempt it being, clearly, a partition built by Romans. (I mean, it’s right there. You tin sojourn it.) Actual historians and classics professors strangely are not lamenting the extremity of their careers. They are pointing retired that “ancient Rome, actually, was real” and “Oh my god, this is so, truthful stupid,” (paraphrasing).

TikTok’s magnitude shifters and quantum jumpers

Since I’m doing weird TikTok conspiracies, however astir this one: You tin “switch” from this universe/dimension to alternate ones. @kadyroxz moved to an alternate beingness successful 2017 portion on a schoolhouse trip. This dude thinks we all switched dimensions successful 2021. “The vibe was truly weird,” helium explains. (But don’t worry, we’re backmost successful the regular magnitude now.) Check retired the awesome Quantumjumping hash for endlessly entertaining videos.

G/O Media whitethorn get a commission

I judge this 1 is 100% real. I fig I tin either unrecorded successful a timeline wherever scientists successful Antarctica discovered anomalous vigor signals that indicated a parallel universe wherever Time runs backwards, past kids connected TikTok figured retired however to get there, oregon I tin unrecorded successful the boring “real” timeline wherever the full happening was caused by compacted crystal oregon underground lakes and kids connected TikTok are conscionable benignant of silly. I cognize which I prefer, and I’m going there. Right. Now. (Disappear!)

What is the “Kool-Aid Man Challenge?”

I support vowing that I’m going to halt reporting connected mendacious TikTok hoaxes that the media and constabulary departments autumn for, but The Kool-Aid Man Challenge is conscionable excessively good. Credulous quality outlets from Ktvb7 News successful Caldwell, Idaho to successful Staten Island, N.Y., to the local police and Fox8Live successful Massillon, Ohio are breathlessly reporting connected a caller TikTok Trend wherever kids are screaming “Oh Yeah!” and busting done fences similar the Kool-Aid Man.

I truthful privation this was truly happening, but sadly, it isn’t. While a fewer radical successful the state look to person had their fences damaged implicit the past fewer months, I tin find nary videos posted connected TikTok challenging anyone to bash it, and TikTok denies they ever existed. There’s nary crushed to deliberation the imaginable vandalism has thing to bash with Kool-Aid, either. I conjecture “Fence Damaged successful Ohio, Possibly by Wind” isn’t arsenic sexy a header arsenic “Area Youth Imitate Sentient Drink Pitcher, Destroy Fence.”

Spotify Wrapped is live

Let your music-liking friends know: Spotify’s yearly “wrapped” diagnostic has dropped. Wrapped compiles stats connected your astir streamed artists, songs, podcasts, and genres, and presents them for you successful a small video truthful you tin find precisely however lame your philharmonic tastes are—or however awesome they are, if you hap to beryllium arsenic tasteful arsenic I am. (“Kid Charlemagne” is simply a banger.) The apical most-streamed philharmonic artists of the twelvemonth connected Spotify see Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, and BTS, but the wide winner, for the 2nd twelvemonth successful a row, was Bad Bunny, who earned implicit 9 cardinal plays, contempt having not released immoderate caller euphony successful 2021.

Viral video of the week: The Snowflake Mystery

This week’s viral video is season-appropriate. “The Snowflake Mystery” is simply a mini-documentary astir Dr. Kenneth Libbrecht, the world’s undisputed king of snowflakes. A prof of physics and section seat astatine CalTech, Libbrecht has published 4 books connected snowflakes, his snowflake photos person appeared connected stamps, and helium was the authoritative snowflake advisor for the movie Frozen. Dude lives full-time successful a Winter wonderland. He adjacent designs his ain snowflakes, changing snowflake criteria until they’re cleanable for him. “I similar to deliberation they’re amended than nature,” Libbrecht says ominously, and I can’t assistance but interest his mastery of the world’s snowflakes has gone to his caput and he’ll soon crook into a super-villain. Anyway, if you are adjacent a small funny astir snowflakes, articulation the much than 2 cardinal YouTubers and jump close in.